Retirement is a week filled with Saturdays and Sundays interrupted only occasionally by a holiday.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Ten Lies My Mother Told Me...

Last week, Empress Bee was kind enough to tag me with the “10 Lies My Mother Told Me” meme. I’ve been putting it off mostly because I’ve been having a tough time finding ten things my mom actually lied about. Then today my cousin, The Moose Buyer, tagged me with the very same meme so I guess I can’t put it off any longer. Forgive me Mom for divulging these glaring lies:

1. “This will hurt me more than it hurts you.” OK…did she really believe I’d fall for that line as she was coming at me for a well deserved spanking?

2. “I don’t think the pediatrician will give you a shot today.” This little lie was her attempt to prevent me from getting all worked up about the pain associated with an injection. Did I mention that we always got shots during our annual exams (all those damn vaccines).

3. “Mrs. S is a good teacher.” My fifth grade teacher bordered on obsessive compulsive and we all thought she was certifiable. Even so, my mom continued to praise her in my company because she always thought it important to support the authority of our teachers no matter how awful they truly were.

4. “Eat your peas; they’re good for you.” Alright…this might not be a lie but I still do not see any beneficial results from eating these small round things.

5. “Yes, you need to continue ballet lessons. They will teach you to be graceful.” Now this one, I think, was her wishful thinking for me rather than an actual lie. Who knew there was not one ounce of grace found anywhere in my body?!?!?!

6. “Yes, I’ve stopped smoking.” This one was eventually true but it took many times catching her smoking in the bathroom before she finally quit for good.

7. “Boys DO make passes at girls who wear glasses.” I swear this was a lie at least during my junior high school days.

8. “Stand up straight and you’ll grow tall.” Hmmmm...I tried walking around with my head held high and I’m still the shortest female in my immediate family.

9. “Of course you have a nice singing voice.” This was either a downright lie or my mom suffers from a very tin ear.

10. “I realize you hate beets but I know you’ll like them prepared this way.” No amount of cooking or pickling them will ever get me to eat beets.

Whew…as I said, this was a hard one because Mom truly did try and set an example by telling us the truth…at least most of the time. Anyway, I don’t want to pressure anyone so, if you are so inclined, please feel free to consider yourself tagged.


Linda said...

I got tagged with this one myself and I am having one tough time with it! My mother never lied to me that I can remember as it's just not in her nature to do so!

This one is going to call from some major creativity on my part but that may take some time!

I thought that you did a lovely job!

Renee said...

I think that the lies my mom told were lies of omission and who knows how many of those she told. LOL! I did find one out though... all my life I was told that my grandmother was an only child and in fact she was the only child that her parents ever had....together. It seems that her father had a son by his first marriage though. My mom didn't bother to tell me that...even when I was researching the family tree because she didn't think it mattered.

I think for the most part my mom was pretty truthful.

Val said...

Now THAT is a difficult meme, I don't think I'll try it myself. But your peas and beets entries reminded me of something my mother insisted on making when we were sick: chicken soup (so far so good) but with an egg broken into it and swirled around, creating, snotty looking strands to gag on. I loved the chicken soup, I loved eggs, so why couldn't I have had them separately? Boy, that was dredged up from a long time ago, and I am surprised I still feel resentful!

Susie said...

I'm practically gagging over Val's chicken soup with eggs in it! Ewww! I think my Mom was of the same school as yours, since I heard many of the same ones you did!
I also heard, "don't crack your knuckles or no man will ever get a ring on your finger" (fooled her!)
and my favorite (which I also passed to my kids)
"Don't swallow your gum or your toes will stick together!!"
fun meme!!

Iamthebookworm said...

Thanks for an entertaining list!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

great job! but i never met a beet i didn't like! ha ha

smiles, bee

the moose buyer said...

yup, Auntie Muriel did lie about you having a good singing voice and I absolutely refuse to believe you did anything which deserved a spanking (you were such a little chicken).

Mom said...

My mom never knowingly lied. She did tell me about the starving children in China - but she believed this truth would inspire me to eat my vegetables.

Lynn said...

I don't remember the beet or peas lies. Having tried them out on you, and seeing that they were unsuccessful, she probably decided not to bother trying them on me.

Patti said...

Oooooooh!!I forgot about #9 - I heard that one too. I can't sing.

You did a great job with this.

PEA said...

It's the first time I see this meme and I love your answers! I call those type of lies "little white lies"! lol xox

ms chica said...

My mom told #5 too. And like your mom, I think she wanted it to be true.